“How to Dissect a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.” “These Are Mommy’s Happy Pills” “You Were an Accident” “You Are Different and That’s Bad” “We’re Poor Because We Had You.” ...

Time for an admission. Drum roll please…okay stop. My fear of spiders has recently grown into a full blown neurosis, and I’m afraid the entirety of my phobia is going to transfer to my children, that is, if they ever exist. I am the type of person who attempts to remain calm when in the presence of a spider but does a poor job at it and have been known to yelp, jump and run away in a manly fashion. It’s an involuntary reaction, an overwhelming feeling that I’m going to die, and so it is impossible to keep my cool and I fear that I will be unable to provide a quality exa...

2 million people attended the inauguration of our first “black” President. Only 27 missed work. ...

Headlines On This Date and Same Occasion 4 Years Ago: “Republicans spending $42 million on inauguration while troops die in unarmored HumVees” “Bush extravagance exceeds any reason during tough economic times” “Fat cats get their $42 million inauguration party, ordinary Americans get the shaft” Headlines Today: “Historic Obama inauguration will cost only $150 million” “Obama spends $150 million on inauguration; America needs a big party” “Everyman Obama shows America how to celebrate.” “Citibank executives contribute...

Thanks to Parchment and Pen for these: 20. “I am not overweight. The word ‘glory’ in Hebrew is kabod which according to HALOT literally means ‘heaviness.’ The Bible also says that we are to reflect God’s glory. Therefore, I am just doing what the Bible says.” 19. “Looking at you makes me reconsider preterism, because you are heaven on earth.” 18. “Paul said that it was better to marry than to burn. Therefore, I am under God’s mandate to marry you.” 17. “Here, let me take care of those tithes.” 16. “You may not have chosen me, but I have chosen you.” 15. “I c...